


All of you

by steffy2106



Category: Star Wars
Genre: F/M, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 01:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steffy2106/pseuds/steffy2106
Summary: Prompt for More Than Love: RFFA Valentine's Exchange 2018Rey shows to Kylo/Ben what is beneath her arm wraps.





	All of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trish47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trish47/gifts).



Rey looked at Ben from across the fire as he looked out of the hut’s window, the flame reflecting in a mesmerizing way on his charcoal hair.  
  
She knew it was the Supreme Leader of the First Order sitting silently across from her. He was here in the flesh, she could take him down just as she could have done the past four times they met and, yet she didn’t because she had hope, she could feel how he felt and he was Ben more often that he realized.  
  
She looked down at her hands folded neatly on her lap. She had been the one instigating these clandestine meetings and he had been only too eager to comply. The Force bond was unreliable, but she could feel him, the core of his feelings and in the few weeks following the battle on Crait, no matter how much she had wanted to go back to hating him she couldn’t. She could feel his overwhelming loneliness, his confusion and his crushing loss. Loss of what? She wasn’t sure but his feelings crushed into her like a tidal wave.  
  
She had somehow realised that she hadn’t given up the hope of bringing Ben Solo back and when they next connected, she had offered to meet in person, just the two of them, on neutral ground leaving all of what they represented behind – light, dark – They only had to be for once Rey and Ben.  
  
She’d never thought he would accept and yet, he did, just as eager as she was to appease the turmoil in his soul.  
  
The first time they had met, they were both on edge, expecting betrayal at any minute. They’d sat silently across from each other in a hut on Atch’to before separating a few hours later with a silent promise to meet again the next week.  
  
The second meeting had been just as silent but some of the tension had faded. When their time had been up they had walked side by side to their ships – him a tie fighter, her a small ship she had fixed just for her weekly secret escape. Just before they parted ways he had brushed the back of his hand again hers, it was slow enough to show it was deliberate and as soon as his skin had brushed hers she felt peace, relief – Was it hers or his? She couldn’t say.  
  
On the third meeting he had talked first, he talked about his love for calligraphy which was now a lost art. She had been so surprised to learn something that trivial about him – It seemed insignificant and yet, it meant everything – It was something about him, the real him – The man she had seen glimpses of and just couldn’t forget. In exchange she had told him about her love for mechanics, building, fixing – giving a second life to things that people had discarded.  
  
He had given her a half smile then. “Is it what you are doing here? Trying to fix what is broken?” He had asked, and Rey hadn’t missed the pain edged in his voice.  
  
“Do you think you need it?” She asked back not giving an answer. “Do you want me to save you?”  
  
“Who said I needed saving?”  
  
She wanted to tell him that his pain, his loneliness, his ardent desire to be loved were signs he needed to be saved but he was not ready to hear it.  
  
When they had walked back to their ship he had caught her hand, intertwining their fingers together. The feelings from this simple touch were indescribable and they stood there, facing their ships, hands interlocked tightly for what could have been hours, neither of them ready to let go whilst both being ashamed of craving each other’s touch.  
  
On the fourth meeting, she had been surprised to see that he’d brought her a few books about mechanics and she had smiled as she handed him a calligraphy kit with a book on different galactical alphabets.  
  
“Great minds…” he had whispered taking the gift so reverently that she wondered if he’d ever been given a present before.  
  
When it had been time to part he had pulled her to him, holding her tightly. She rested her head against his chest, listening to his hammering heartbeat. She had closed her eyes and inhaled deeply his fresh soap scent as he buried his face in her hair. She had circled his waist tentatively, disliking how they fitted, how she liked it, how no matter how guilty she felt for this repeat betrayal to her friends she kept meeting him.  
  
She sighed loudly shaking her head, willing the memory away.  
  
“Something is bothering you.”  
  
She looked up from her hands finding him studying her. How long had he been looking? “We can’t keep doing this Ben.”  
  
He straightened, tensed once more. “What do you mean?”  
  
“This – “she gestured to both of them. “We’re ignoring that we’re at war – for one night a week we’re ignoring that it will never work out. We are betraying our sides, we are lying. I just keep – “She bit her bottom lip which was a mistake. Ben let his eyes trail down to her lips, his eyes darkening.  
  
“You keep what?” He encouraged.  
  
She looked at him for a minute. “I keep trying to save you – I want to stand beside you in the fire, I want you to see that I won’t let you down. I won’t lie, I know you’re broken and you will have to fight to change. But I know, I relate to your pain. I- “  
  
Ben stood abruptly making her jerk back. “I’ve been torn apart to become who I am” he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “I gave away more than I had to give.”  
  
He started to slowly open his shirt, Rey could remember his toned chest, broad shoulders – She was pleased that the fire was hiding the flush of the memory.  
  
He let his shirt fall on the floor and faced her, she tried to keep her eyes on his which turned out to be more difficult than it sounded.  
  
He slowly turned around and Rey couldn’t contain her gasp at the view of his bare back. It was covered in hundreds of fine scars, clearly the results of multiple whippings.  
  
His head hanging low, shoulders hunched. “This is how the remaining light was smothered out of me – The pain.” He confessed keeping his back at her. “This is helping me realize I am still alive – The darkness became me. There is no turning back.”  
  
Ben took a sharp intake of air when he felt her small hands gently stroking his back.  
  
She rested her hands on his shoulder blades, letting the heat of his skin seep into her freezing hands.  
  
“We all have scars, I don’t have all the words to say what I would like – I’m still healing myself but – “She felt bold and she gave his back a small kiss. “I am feeling what you feel every day and I don’t want to leave you in this place. We’re alone,” she kissed his back one more. “Please let down your guard.”  
  
She let him go and took a couple of step backs. “Turn around” she begged.  
  
He turned slowly, keeping his eyes trained on the floor.  
  
“Please look at me. Ben please, trust me.” She couldn’t help her voice from breaking as her eyes filled up with tears.  
  
He looked up, his face a turmoil of emotion, an exposed nerve. “No, don’t cry for me.” He raised his hand helplessly, reaching for her.  
  
She shook her head, reaching for the wrap on her right arm, starting to unwrap it. “If you have to trust me, I have to trust you too.” She kept her eyes on her arm as she was exposing the truth of who she was. “I won’t hide, you will have to change but I will stand in the fire beside you.” She let the first wrap fall on the floor before reaching for the other. “I know you feel unlovable, I feel that way too.” She cocked her head to the side, finally meeting his eyes as the second wrap fell on the floor. “Truth be told how could I be loved when I couldn’t even get my parents to love me?” She turned her forearms to give him a better view while keeping her eyes locked on his face.  
  
“Rey…” He whispered as his face morphed from shame to pain, fury and strangely, awe.  
  
She knew what he saw, a pattern of symbols tattooed, mirrored in the inside of each forearm. They were covering from the top of her wrist to the crick of her elbow. Each symbol had a meaning but together they mean she was a child slave, sold with full right of life and death to Unkar Plutt. The tattoos were still visible now despite all the self-inflicted cuts she had made trying to make them disappear, trying to give herself an identity – a sense of belonging.  
  
“You were right Ben, I am nothing – a mere nameless slave. Who am I to even try to save you? But know that contrary to everybody else I won’t let you down. I could be the light for you – I’ll help you rise out of the dark.”  
  
Kylo closed the distance between them. “Rey – “He took hold of her arm bringing her forearm up to meet his lips. “I never meant it, not like that – You were never nothing – not to me.” He kissed her tattoos reverently up and down her arm stopping at her wrist, brushing his lips across her wrist. “You are everything to me Rey – I lay the Galaxy at your feet.”  
  
“I don’t want the Galaxy.” She whispered raising her free arm, burying her hand in his silky hair.  
  
“What do you want?” He asked keeping hold of her wrist.  
  
“I want Ben Solo, I need Ben Solo. I know you will have to fight to change. I want to be the reason for you to fight, If you start believing Ben – There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”  
  
“Ben Solo…” He whispered almost deferentially. He looked down at his hand holding her wrist, at his thumb brushing the inside of her wrist. “Ben Solo might be the only thing I can’t give you – he is too far gone.”  
  
“Can you let me try? Bring him back?” She asked hopeful, resting her free hand over his raging heart.  
  
“Why would you want that?” He asked taking a step closer, he was so close that she could feel his warm breath on her face and he could count the colours in her eyes.  
  
“Because I’ve fallen in love with him– “She admitted in a breath as much to herself as to him.  
  
Kylo took a sharp breath, scrutinizing her face for any sign of deceit but there was none, he could feel the love, pain and yearning coming from her – She was really in love with Ben just as much as both parts of him, were in love with her.  
  
“I will try for you – “he whispered leaning down slowly, giving her a chance to step back if she didn’t want what was about to happen. “I will face this pain, this hurt for you Rey.”  
  
“We’ll do it together” she replied closing the distance between their lips in her first ever kiss. _You and I Ben we can make it. _She thought with conviction.__  
  
_You and I _He confirmed deepening the kiss and letting both of their doubts slide into oblivion.__


End file.
